OK, so I usually blog about HR issues. But today I feel compelled to address another subject that is far more important and very disturbing. Media sources are reporting on the case of 18 year old Rachel Canning who is suing her parents for immediate financial support and to force them to pay her future college expenses.
No, I don’t know all of the facts. But I have an opinion anyway. And I bet you do too!
Rachel claims her parents kicked her out of the house two days before her 18th birthday. As far as I can tell, Rachel is not claiming she suffered any abuse or wrongful behavior at home. She is living with relatives of her best friend.
Mr. Canning claims that Rachel left home on her own accord after she refused to comply with reasonable family rules. The parents want her to return, have said the door is open, but apparently will require compliance with family rules. What are those rules? Being respectful, keeping a curfew and doing chores.
Rachel attends a private high school. Her tuition was paid through December 31st. However, as a senior, she wants to continue attending her high school through graduation. By the way, the school said it would not kick Rachel out for unpaid tuition this year.
By law, at 18 a person becomes an adult. Whether or not the 18 year old is prepared, the law declares him/her an adult. That designation comes with many rights and obligations. It also changes the relationship between parents and children. One thing I have noticed as my children reach 18 is that parents can’t compel their adult children to do anything! Love, gentle persuasion, and zipping the pocketbook shut seem to be the primary tools available to a parent of an adult child.
The lawsuit is disturbing for several reasons. First, does Rachel really think that litigation will cause hearts to mend and good feelings to return? And will the court create a new right of an adult child to compel parents to pay college tuition? If so, at what college, a lower-tuition state school or high priced private school? Would the right include the right to costs for books, housing, student fees, fraternity or sorority dues, and other costs associated with college life? And from where would that right derive? The Constitution? Perhaps an unwritten right implied by some language in some constitution or statute?
And what about the rights of the family, and particularly parents, to decide what is best for their children? What about the rights of society to expect that parents would establish rules and boundaries for children, to help them be better people, and better members of society?
And perhaps the most disturbing fact of this case — the best friend’s father, John Inglesino, a small time politico in New Jersey, is funding the lawsuit. He and his wife decided, in the wisdom of outsider, high on their ivory tower or prideful perch,(take your pick) that Rachel would lose out on opportunities for future education and happiness unless mom and dad were forced to pay the bill.
Haven’t we interfered with families enough in this country? Haven’t we, in the name of political correctness, individual rights, or in the name of self-fulfillment (to do whatever one wishes to do without consequences), already made enough trouble for families? When will it stop? When will we realize that families are the best chance a child has for success and happiness?
Mr. Inglesino, stop funding the lawsuit. Judge, dismiss the case. Rachel, go home and live by your parents’ rules. Mr. and Mrs. Canning, love her as she walks in the front door. And after the door shuts, work it out together, as a family, and only the family, in a spirit of love, forgiveness, respect and compassion. It may take time, but the family can work it out. It’s your best option. It’s society’s best solution!